Funnel effect as described by the GZA
So what’s up with trying to get home after a long day doing whatever is one does? I’ll tell you what… If it’s on that side of town where there’s only one way in and god forbid – one way out, then like me you’ve probably been stung a few times with the bullshit scenario of having you route locked down, closed, blitzed, f**cked-up and shat on!
Yesterday (Saturday) after a tedious, journey that saw me leave a French hotel in Alencon, north-west France at around 9.00 am by van – we arrived at Charles de Gaulle International Airport in Paris at around 12.15 pm. The flight was scheduled for 2.40 pm. Fair enough there are many way to get back from France and this method wasn’t the greatest but it all went smoothly, the plane left on time – thank you Air France!
I arrived back (Sunday) in London at Heathrow airport, roughly around 3.20 pm – obviously the usual wait for the baggage to arrive materialised without fail! Having said that, what was to come later kicks that way into touch (wait for it). So I caught the slow train that is the Piccadilly tube service from terminal 4. The other option was the Heathrow Express for a nifty £16 odd pound – no thank you.
My misfortune was that I had begun my journey on Saturday morning by catching a cab at my friend’s place in Charlton, south-east London at 4.30 am, having left my car at his place. The problem here is that I live in north London! So I had to get back to Charlton to pick up my car then drive back to north London. I Finally arrived in Charlton at 6.30 pm after that slow tube ride and a dull DLR change over at Bank station.
I thought my nightmare was over but it had just began because when I got to within 300 yards of the approach to the fabled Blackwall Tunnel it became obvious that something was seriously wrong – it was gridlocked with car upon car as far as the eye could see. There were stewards positioned along strategic points of the snail paced traffic queues who offered nothing but “keep to the left”. I eventually found out that there had been an accident in the northbound tunnel – a car or lorry (depending on which report you cared to believe) had caught fire! So they had closed the tunnel in both directions and we were left to find our own way in the by now dark, gloomy conditions – it was pissing down with rain!
I drove around – in a manner. Crawling around, bumper to bumper for the next 2 hours before giving up hope of getting home before heading back to Charlton and the sanctuary of my friend’s couch – my bed for the night! In the benign hope that all would be returned back to normal by morning. Needless to say it didn’t happen so I took to the streets and prepared myself for a longer more involved route with the knowledge that even more people would be on the road because it was now Monday morning – the beginning of the working week. And what of the Tunnel? When would it be open again? Well, when I last checked the Internet, there was talk of Wednesday at the earliest! That’s how long it takes to make safe the one way in-one way out link from north to south in that part of London. No doubt someone will report how they averted a major disaster, and the Mayor of London will defend how long it took to get things moving again and how Londoners should applaud the efforts of the emergency services, the police and ambulance service. But what of the tax payer, and what of the inconvenienced, and what of those who were forced to crawl home possibly through central London on M onday where of course they would have been charged with the Congestion Charge/Tax?
Yeah, It’s the 21st Century but some things have and will never change! And it’s at times like this having finally gotten home on Monday afternoon 2.oo pm that I remember a line from a rap song (Liquid Swordz) which goes a lil’ something like this – It’s a wide entrance, small exit like a funnel, shit so deep it’s picked up on radios in tunnels… Pure genius by the GZA of the Wu-Tang Clan. Man, how on earth was he able to describe my future ordeal so eloquently back in 1995? You see all these tunnels are nothing but funnels – we all race to the wide entrance from miles around to proceed to the small exit – single-file – but what happens when the shit breaks? Not a lot…
Why? because I said so!
All That Glitters Ain't Gold 